BARBARA COLOROSO ON EFFECTIVE ANTI-BULLYING PROGRAMS

Barbara Coloroso is an internationally recognized parenting expert and author of the book, "The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander". Last month, Kid-Safe Productions talked extensively with her in a successful effort to obtain:

• her answers to a local principal's question on discipline;
• her opinion on the positive value of music and drama as an effective teaching tool;
• her insights on anti-bullying policy and program design for local schools (further to Premier McGuinty's recent pledge to implement anti-bullying programs in all Ontario schools); and
• her observations on the differences between Canada and the U.S.

Here is what she had to say:

Coloroso's Answers for a Principal - Discipline vs. Punishment

Kid-Safe asked local Scarborough Area Principal, Felicia DiCiero, what she would like to know from Coloroso. DiCiero suggested that when children are playing roughly in the schoolyard, it is sometimes difficult to identify behaviour that is “intended to hurt.” She asked how staff could, without resorting to formal and/or harsh disciplinary measures, respond and successfully redirect them to play more appropriately.

Coloroso defined the key difference between discipline and punishment. “Discipline means to give life to learning: own it, fix it, learn from it; (please read the second article of our Friendship ABC's Newsletter, "Real Life Situations - Abdi's Story", for an example of this). She stated that consequences should be logical and appropriate to the severity of what happened. "Children who bully simply do not know how to play” and may have to be supervised in the schoolyard until they learn differently.

Bullies have to be held accountable for their actions and Coloroso advocated that the first step towards real change in a bully’s attitude is his or her taking responsibility for it. Here is a Coloroso approach: “You are not playing well. I believe you are capable of doing it. Tell me your plan and show me you are doing it. Until you do that you are going to hang with me. Let’s look at some lines you can use to approach another child…” Coloroso also stressed no interaction with the target. “Having the two talk it out is not a desirable solution. It puts the target back on the spot. It’s not the fault of the target who should not be inconvenienced by the lesson that has to be learned by another person.

Coloroso made a key point about educators’ need to shift their concept of the problem in order to help solve it. Most notably, she said, the word “victim” is often misused to describe a bullied person. That person, she said, should more accurately be called a “target” of a bully. The term “victim” suggests “a suffering person to be rescued” (Funk & Wagnalls Standard College Dictionary Canadian Edition) taking the focus away from the bully’s inappropriate actions. To call that person a “target” shifts the focus back on to the bully from where the problem generated and to where it must ultimately be remedied.

Clearly, solutions to bullying should also extend beyond the school and into the community. Once they have been held accountable for their actions, children can learn to develop compassion by doing community volunteer work such as in a soup kitchen.

Teach bullies friendship skills,” said Coloroso. “They know how to run groups but not how to be friends.” Enable them to constructively use the leadership skills they’ve misused and redirect their energy in a positive direction. “Instead of cruising a hallway, they are cruising a river or climbing a rock wall...". To help children make this transformation, she said, they need to be encouraged to develop an inner moral voice that guides them to act with integrity.

Coloroso cautioned that it doesn’t happen overnight. As she explained in her book, the real test of a child’s ability to throw off the role of bully and assume a new role of decent, caring, responsible human being comes when she is faced with another bully or bullies taunting a peer.

In conclusion, Coloroso’s own anti-bullying message is one of awareness and empowerment for all concerned.

The Value of Drama and Music in Teaching About Bullying

Kid-Safe asked about the effectiveness of entertainment in sending an anti-bullying message and in reaching, with its special challenges, a primary audience.

Coloroso responded by citing the relationship of this topic to the ethics book she is currently working on. She stated that the arts are critical for developing important foundations of: integrity, which is doing the right thing when the burden is heavy; civility, which is treating others as human beings regardless of the feelings towards them; compassion; critical thinking; and problem solving. "The arts allow you to step outside yourself and take on a different role". She added, “Fiction can work so well by teaching a lesson without being preachy and the kids walk away and remember it too".

It is important to reach the children while they are young. “At five years old they already know what bullying is” continued this former primary schoolteacher. Discussing the Kid-Safe play “Stop! That’s Bullying!” Coloroso confirmed that it is possible to teach children intricate concepts, such as those surrounding bullying. For example, what Melvin the bully-frog is doing when he threatens Lily with his dog can indeed be understood in context.

Insights For Local Schools Regarding Anti-Bullying Program Design

In his throne speech, newly-elected Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty promised to establish an anti-bullying resource hotline and to implement anti-bullying programs in Ontario schools. From Coloroso, Kid-Safe wanted to learn:

• what she advised the Premier to strategize;
• what should be included in these anti-bullying programs; and
• how schools can play a more active role in making the programs effective.

Coloroso stressed that any effective anti-bullying program must begin with a clear definition of what bullying is. That definition should include physical harm, threats, intimidation, taunts and social ostracism - all used in bullying. “If you think you are better than someone else – there’s a problem,” said Coloroso, who identified “contempt for others” as the primary motivation for bullying and stressed its need to be included in the official definition.

She said that to change the dynamics of the bullying circle, schools need to recognize and reach all the characters – the bullies, the targets and the bystanders. To do this effectively, is to create an environment of equality by rooting out "sense of entitlement" or "feelings of superiority" within the school’s community and by encouraging respect and empathy for all individuals instead. She used the worship of school athletes as an example of fostering an inappropriate sense of entitlement.

It is vital to develop strong anti-bullying policy procedures and a way of implementing them. Coloroso cites the guidelines in Dr. Ken Rigby’s "Stop the Bullying, A Handbook for Teachers" as a helpful resource for anti-bullying policy design (see sidebar at top). Rigby's book is one of the resources given to client schools of Kid-Safe Productions.

Simply put, bullying should not be viewed as a “normal” part of childhood and Coloroso wants us to know that schools have and must use their power to say, “Not in this school!”

Canada vs. U.S.

At the close of the interview, Kid-Safe asked Coloroso, who travels extensively in North America, what differences she notices between Canada and the U.S.

While the issues surrounding bullying are the same in both countries, she replied, there are some variations in anti-bullying programs. She noted it is critical that here in Canada we have made a formal commitment to the protection of children through signing on the United Nations Charter of Children's Rights.

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